In celebration of the Sept. 15 release of my book Connection and Kindness: The Key to Changing the World Through Parenting, I am going to be sharing some parts of it to give you a sneak peak. Today, I would like to share my introduction with you. I hope you enjoy!
I have known since I was 11 years old that I wanted to help families––kids and parents––to have better relationships with each other. Growing up, I always liked school, but I could never articulate what my favorite subject was. I enjoyed my teachers and classmates and I enjoyed the schoolwork, but it really did not excite me.
However, I did not realize how unexciting it was until I got to 11th grade and took my first Psychology class. I tried to enroll as a 9th grader but was told I was too young. It was so hard to wait those two years, as I was very excited to dive into something that I just knew I would love. So 11th grade Psychology class was where what I had always known about myself became solidified: I want to help people improve their lives and in the process, change the world.
Fast forward to college application time. I would be the first person in my family on either side to go to college, and that fact alone was very intimidating. I always knew that I was capable of succeeding in college, but I was still a bit scared. What if the work was too hard? What if I was not cut out for college? And unfortunately, I had no one I could turn to for reassurance that these were (what I would learn later on) completely normal fears to have in high school. When it came to majoring in Psychology, I got serious cold-feet, wondering if I was really “smart” enough to succeed. Since I was on the yearbook committee my senior year and enjoyed laying out the pages, I decided that I would major in graphic arts, but I made sure that the college of my choice also had a Psychology program.
I want to mention the college of my choice for a moment. I have always been a person who has naturally allowed intuition to guide me, long before I even knew what I was doing. When the time came to apply to college, I applied to several, but met a co-worker at my part-time job over the holidays who went to Drexel University. As soon as she said the name, I knew that was the place I was meant to go, even though at that time I had never heard of it and knew nothing about it. But I immediately set about gathering information about the school and found it was just perfect––a city setting, about two hours from home (not too close and not too far), and having both a graphic arts program and a psychology program––perfect!
As soon as I knew it met all of my requirements, I knew deep in my heart that I was meant to go there. There was even something about the name of the school that sounded so “right” and so very familiar––as if it had been a part of my life forever. People would ask me what I would do if I did not get accepted into Drexel. Whenever they said that, my insides would want to shout that there was no possible way that could happen––that I would not get into Drexel. And I did not feel this from a place of denial––I felt it in my soul; I knew deep in my soul that this was where I was meant to go.
Fast forward to Christmas of my senior year. My dad had an accident at work––a head injury that left him in a coma two days after Christmas. While he was in the hospital fighting for his life, my mom and I kept a vigil at his bedside for four straight weeks until he came fully out of his coma and spent the next three months in a rehabilitation hospital for head-injury patients. While he was laying there in the coma in the ICU, I got my acceptance letter for Drexel. I was so excited to tell my dad and I wanted desperately for him to be able to celebrate with me, but I took comfort in the fact that even though he was still on a respirator at that point and was not able to open his eyes or talk, he was able to wiggle his finger when we asked him a question. So when I told him my good news, he wiggled his finger like crazy. My heart was bursting with joy and gratitude on so many levels at that point.
So, having chickened out on the major part, I entered Drexel as a graphic arts major. That lasted only two quarters as I struggled my way through introductory art classes and my projects got torn apart in critiques by my professors––I could feel the life draining out of me. Nearing the holidays, I walked to the train station to purchase a ticket to go home. While I was at the station, I became mesmerized by this family who was also purchasing tickets. The boy looked to be about nine years old and he had longish, black, greasy hair. The mom was clearly under the influence of something and could not even walk straight. As the mom said goodbye to the dad who was dropping them off at the station, the little boy became the parent in the situation, for when the bell rang announcing their train’s arrival, the boy took his inebriated mother’s hand and said “Ok mom, when we go down these steps, I want you to hold my hand and not get lost.”
Have you ever had one of those moments in life where the world seems to come to a grinding halt as time stretches out before you in slow motion? This was one of those times. I felt like I was being pulled into their struggle as if being sucked in by a black hole. I watched them, transfixed until they descended the steps out of my sight. Then I turned on my heel, went straight back to my advisor’s office, and promptly changed my major to Psychology. I graduated Cum Laude from Drexel in 3.5 years and then went on to get my Master’s in Counseling Psychology from Loyola University Maryland.
One other note about Drexel before I continue. Looking back, the two reasons that I was destined (and knew as much in my heart) to enroll there was because of this scene that I witnessed at the train station that would properly set the course for my career, and because I met my future husband there in the spring of our freshman year. Meeting him was another one of those moments where the earth seemed to stop spinning and time stood still as I felt my world aligning as it should. We have been together since then and happily married for 18 years so far.
I have worked for the past 18 years as a counselor with foster and biological families and have loved it. But several years ago, I worked with one family who I was not able to get through to and who was causing me serious burnout. This left me in a bit of a crisis, wondering if I needed to abandon my life’s work and begin a different career. A series of events (which I cover later in the book) shifted my life’s course to become a PCI Certified Parent Coach ® which has been deeply fulfilling for me.
Reverse a few years: When my husband and I got married, we immediately set about trying to build our family with no success. Three years and thousands of dollars in fertility treatments later, our precious daughter Sydney was born. But she was born with a very serious heart defect and tragically died at the age of 24 days old. Another one of those time-standing-still moments as I got sucked in by a black hole, only this time it was horrific and gut-wrenchingly painful. But I knew in an instant that I wanted to keep a journal of my first year of grief in the hopes that one day I would turn it into a book to help other bereaved parents survive the death of their child. I faithfully kept that book all through the years––through more fertility treatments and the births of our other three heart-healthy children and my growing up as a parent. As time and circumstance guided me down my life’s path, I found myself in a conversation with an editor-friend of mine talking about this book that I had wanted to write for years. By the end of that conversation, he had me convinced that the time did not seem right for that type of book and instead, I should write a book about parenting––a subject I am passionate about. And that is how this book was born––out of a desire I have had since I was 11 years old to help parents and children have better relationships with each other. I hope you get as much out of reading it as I did writing it.
To purchase, click the link below.
https://www.amazon.com/author/parentcoacherin
