This morning, while my daughter was eating her breakfast, she told me that in school she had to write a persuasive essay on a person was important to her and why, and she chose me. I smiled, looked into her eyes, gave her a kiss and asked her what she wrote in her essay. She said she made two main points: First, I love her and take good care of her and second, I understand her very well.
Wow. Isn’t that really what it’s all about? Those two items are the main ingredients to a deep connection and a healthy relationship with our children. Love is not enough, even when it is deep and strong and powerful. Love with understanding (both of our children as well as ourselves) is the “magic recipe” if you want to call it that. And when we hit upon those two ingredients, our children know it and feel it as well. But it takes work – work to understand ourselves and our triggers, work to become more conscious and aware in our interactions with our kids, and work to understand what our agendas, expectations and goals are as parents. There is no easy way around this part of the process. It is only when we do this work can we become present and attuned – to our children and ourselves – and that is where the real connection happens.