I suspect my experience of 9/11 was quite different from most others’ experiences. I remember it vividly; where I was when I first heard the shocking news on the radio, seeing the images of the plane hit…ting the first tower and then both of them collapsing in a dizzying, surreal few moments, and the sense that in that instant, the world might very well be going to hell in a hand basket. It was a very confusing and scary time for everyone.
But unlike most people on that day, I was a newly bereaved parent. You see, my first-born daughter Sydney died of a heart defect in my arms just five months and 10 days before the events of September 11, 2001. My world was turned upside down and my life turned inside out on April 1, 2001. I had spent the previous five months trying to figure out how to get myself back on my feet again, emotionally and spiritually, physically, mentally, and energetically.
By 9/11/01, Jay and I were already in the midst of undergoing fertility treatments trying to have another baby (who would become our much-loved 12 year-old son). I remember standing in the shower the night of 9/11 with so many emotions and thoughts running through my head. The first and most vivid thought I had after the shock of the day’s events was something that might seem jarring to many of you. I felt a small sense of relief; as if finally, the entire country could begin to understand a small sliver of the suffering I had been enduring for the previous five months. I no longer felt like an alien in a strange land. Finally, people who met me and spoke with me could begin to understand the pain, the grief, and the sorrow that I had been living with. The country was united in a shared grief over 9/11 and the tragic events of that day.
The second thought I had was that even though my child was dead, at least I did not have to fear for her safety during such a scary time. Oddly, somehow that brought me a small measure of comfort that night.
The next thought I had was “Am I nuts? Do I really want to bring another child into this crazy, mixed-up, scary and violent world?” My immediate answer to those questions was “yes, yes, yes!” I wanted to continue to work to build our family. I had dedicated my life to trying to make the world a better place as far back as I could remember. I knew that Jay and I needed to bring children into this world because this world NEEDED them. We would work tirelessly to raise kids who would be good citizens and kind, decent people who would grow to make this world a better place. Thirteen years later, I am deeply, deeply grateful for my wonderful family and I renew my commitment to my kids and to our shared future. In honor of all those souls who lost their lives in the tragic events of 9/11, I will continue to work hard to do my part to make the world a better place and to raise my kids to always remember to also make the world a better place, to bring comfort to someone who is suffering, to help when someone is in need, to spread cheer and good will wherever they can and to follow their hearts’ whispers so they can use their individuals talents and strengths to leave a positive mark on this world. I encourage you to take a moment and make a similar commitment in your own life.
Find five or ten minutes tonight to be with your children, really BE with them. Look at them and see them for the amazing, unique young people that they are.
Then tell them what is in your heart.
Thank a co-worker with real gratitude in your heart for helping you to make things easier this morning.
Rebuild a burned bridge.
Reach out a hand to someone who could use it.
Whatever. Anything. Big or small. Know that every single act of kindness you put out into the world is needed. As individuals, we may not be able to stop the evil in this world, but by shining our collective lights, we can begin to blot out the darkness.
Today, I say a small prayer for all those who lost their lives on that fateful day and for all their loved ones left behind to pick up the pieces and mend their broken hearts.
