The past two days have been frustrating for me as a parent. It’s not anything in particular my three kids have done, but rather my frustration level. Every few months I have a day where my hormones are not in the correct balance, and as a result, every little thing makes me furious. My internal self-talk, which is normally happy and positive, becomes very negative; not about me, but rather about h…ow “the world” is conspiring against me. These episodes usually last only a day, but I am on day 2 of feeling this way. Finally today, I recognized it. Recognition is half of the solution to me coming out of that place and restoring myself to a happier balance. I know I’m in that place as soon as I notice those negative “comments” in my head.I was very fortunate that a neighbor asked if Faith and Brady could come play today. I already made plans with Noah for him to vacuum my car. So for a few precious minutes, I had a quiet house to myself (which is rare in the summer with all the kids home).
While I was alone, I stopped for a moment to become really aware of what was happening inside of my body and mind. Then, I deeply felt gratitude for my neighbor who asked for my kids at just the exact moment I needed a break the most. I can feel myself coming back to my normal, pleasant balance, but I am not there yet. And I know that at bedtime tonight, I will apologize to each of my children and try to explain on each of their levels very simply why I was so frustrated and grumpy the past two days. And then I will have hope and faith that tomorrow will be a better day.
Being a self-aware and conscious parent does not always mean that we behave absolutely right all the time; far from it. It simply means that we try on a continual basis to be present to ourselves and our kids and be mindfully aware of what is happening in regards to each of us.
